So last weekend I looked up where there was a CoDA meeting in my area. There was one every Saturday, surprisingly close to where I live. I pledged that I was going to start going and even put a reminder in my phone. This Saturday came and went and I didn't go. *sigh* I am getting married next weekend and then going out of town. But I am promising myself that I will start attending meetings on Saturdays starting in February.
I can totally see how I depend on my partner to feel happy, especially on the weekends. I really need to be able to feel happy with myself first. I know this, but sometimes its just so hard and scary. My very best friend moved about a year ago to a different state and another friend I had for a couple years got really flaky. So I feel super alone and when I turn to my partner, sometimes he can't deal with it. So I need to step up and learn how to deal with it. First step is going to group meetings!
I can and will be happy with myself. I can and will be happy with other people. But it is a process and if I don't take the initiative to do it, well no one else will. So I am openly promising myself here, that starting in February, I will go to meetings and I will do things that make me happy, even if I am by myself.
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